Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Park time...

So yesterday was the first park day of the summer fro us. We chose to hang low on free, unstructured play until GM's detox process leveled off a bit, and boy am I glad we did. He had a really hard day. At first he was so happy to go and I was pleased with the balance in his anticipation (I didnt tell him until we were packing our lunches) he seemed happy to go, but not hyper about it. So that was one area of improvement.

He had a good time at first, just getting to say hi to his friends etc. But then he was having a really hard time integrating with the other kids. They were there before us and had a game of sorts going, including a couple kids he isnt too familiar with, and he felt like he was being ignored. He wasnt, but this is where his negative mindset take him. They dont like me anymore, they dont want me to play with them, they wish I wasnt here......

So finally after several attempts and a few tears, he made his way into the group and found a way to play with them. So this was good for a while, and he was laughing and enjoying the interaction for quite some time. There was the issue of the little kids, he struggles with little kids and doesnt seem to have an understanding of them being in a different stage than he is. He gets very frustrated with them, and confused when they throw sand at him, or break down his sand castle etc... It should be noted he is terrific with little kids on a general basis, it is the four year old range that confuses him. They seem tall, they talk, they seem to be "with him" and then the sand flies or someone stomps on his castle and he just breaks down. This happened a few times, and finally he just went into full melt down. Crying , went to the car to go home, wanted to leave so badly. It was so sad to see him so angry. He, of course wasnt able to just contain the particular incident, it had to snowball into how "all" little kids "hate" him, and how they wish he wasnt alive, and how they just want to hurt him..... Yeah, I know!!!

While I also wanted to take him home and snuggle him and help him to understand (yet again) that they are really still very much itty bitty kids, but in bigger kid bodies etc... I decided it was important for him to choose to stay. I wanted us to leave on a good note. I wanted to help him walk through the frustration and experience the turn around of events. Luckily, his friends (the kids in the 7-9 age range) were sad that he was so upset, and they came together and came to GM and asked if they could help him rebuild his castle, and that they wanted to help him feel better. They were empathetic, telling him, "yeah, that stinks when that happens, but...." It was beautiful! I was so happy for him. He was of course oblivious to this wonderful gesture and couldnt get off of how little kids were sent here to destroy his life, but I asked him to stop and breath for a moment and take notice of the blessing. Here are your friends, who love you, reaching out to you to support you and to help you to feel better. Enjoy that, and let them support you. Which he did! It was so great, they all started working on the castle, and laughing and having fun, even some of the little kids came to help. I was thrilled! Until his brother lept through the air right on top of it! Hey, it isnt a Lifetime Movie!!!!

He had a giant scream, and then all the kids started jumping on it, and encouraging him to do the same, even the Mom's were like, "Go, GM" he did it, he laughed and enjoyed it a bit. Although with a bit of grumpiness underneeath.

The real beauty moment was when we were driving home, I was talking with him in a very un-enki yet mother of an Autsitic child manner.... "Wow, GM isnt it wonderful when things seem so down and you realize that you have the love and support of your friends to help you get through it." He was like yeah, that really helped me. Then .... he said it.... "And when they are down I can help them feel better too." Oh yeah! Empathy!!!! Reciprocal relationship!!!! Connection!!!!

Do you hear the angels singing!!!! LOL I sure do!!!

Of course later in the day, he again began to wollow in the negativity of those darn "little kids". But it was brief and things mellowed out. However, in the full picture, although rough riding, the day brought some real growth and hopefully we will be able to move through more things like this.

I am so grateful for the children, who came together without adult coertion and decided that GM was important to them, and that they could help him. Talk about your blessings!

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