Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The sixth member of the family.

Well, now that things are beginning to settle down for us and the winter holidays are kicking in, Im in a space where I am really wanting to get back to the basics of what matters to us. The heart of the matter, as noted in previous posts. I have really learned a lot about myself during this time of transition and construction. I had to really challenge a lot about how I do things and really push myself to keep going. It sounds silly I know, but it was really challenging for me to follow through with this many projects, to wake up and work hard all day until I passed out that night, for months on end, with weekends being the worst of them all. I dont mind hard work, but this was crazy. I realized that I can accomplish a lot in a day, and that I can really pull things together when I need to. I also learned that I have a lot of character issues to work on. I need to really not procrastinate so much (big surprise there) I need to stand up for myself better and let my thoughts and opinions be known. I also confirmed that I have painted WAY too many houses and that this needs to be my last!!! LOL

I think the most important thing that I realized is how tied I am to my home. Ironic when you know how much I have moved in my life (over 40 times). I love my home, no matter where it is or what it looks like. I love being home and fixing home up. I have a truly symbiotic relationship with my home. I figured this out when my home being in true chaos sent my brain into true chaos. I couldnt sleep, we couldnt eat right, we basically had to just dig in and work our tails off to get it done before we could ever even hope to get back to a feeling of equilibrium. I was grumpy, frustrated, emotional, and dancing on the edge of a breakdown on a few occasions. I know this sounds dramatic, but it is true. Having my house THAT torn apart was really very hard on me. The worst part was that I couldnt quit, or take a break from it. If we took a break it was just prolonging the time of chaos. I obviously couldnt jump up and say nevermind either. LOL

This is all a good thing, because now, more than ever, I can see how our home can be a wonderful and positive energy for us. Now that I know how it can effect us, I can make that effect a positive one. I can create that space where we will live our lives, build our memories and dream of our futures. I can create that supportive environment that really does nourish us and helps us to be the best we can be. My housework isnt just about cleaning, it is about supporting my family, their hearts, their moods, their strength and their confidence. It's not just chores, it is love.

The heart of the matter when it comes to my home is that it is the sixth member of this family, and it is the container for our lives. It is a living energy and while it can really destroy our moods and perspective, it can also support us in our dreams and our emotions. It is up to me. That is my job as a homemaker. Not to clean so that people can come over, but to create and support that sixth member of the family so it can in turn, support us.

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