Success disguised as failure

Well, I have been working so hard to get to begin our lessons on Tuesday the 5th. I think I became fixated on it and lost sight of the fact that while I do need a good start date, I also need to remember to choose what is best for us and our family. The house has been ripped apart and I am working on getting it back together.

Initially I felt that if we didnt start on full blocks this Tuesday that I was starting off on the wrong foot and that I was already sort of failing. However, the truth of the matter is that because I am able to see what we need and address it, moving things around to set us up for the best possible beginning, I actually think this choice was a big success. I have kicked myself in the past for holding fast to a date or an outing because I felt we needed to do it, even though my heart told me it wasnt the best choice for us. Then it all goes woncky and I am like " I knew this wasnt a good choice for us, why didnt I listen". So this time, I listened.

We are doing some of our practice work, and our reading so we are getting in the flow, but we will not start our lessons full on until next week. I need these extra days to finish getting the house together and to allow myself the time I need to feel that I can fully turn my attention back to our lessons and our rhythm.

I have downsized a LOT of our things and the relief is enormous! I even donated a lot of our old linens. WOW that was hard. I dont know why, but it was really hard for me. I even woke up this morning thinking I had made a mistake, but I know it was the right thing to do. Wedding gift linens that dont fit our bed, old character sheets that the kids got as gifts and we never use, and the hardest, the cowboys linens from their first big boy beds. That one is still hurting me a bit. :-( In the end though, we have to really downsize. I CANT maintain all this and be successful in the things that matter to me, homeschooling, and creating a nice homelife for us. It is just TOO much! I really need to continue this and change my outlook on "things". I feel so much guilt in getting rid of things that have served us in our lives. I feel that I owe it to them to provide them with a nice home and keep and care for them. I know, Im crazy, but that REALLY is how I feel.

Anyway, we are all feeling good around here (except that Grey and Maggie have a stomach thing going on) and the mood is improving with each bag of donation and load of laundry. Im excited now for us to really get started next week. That is how I want to feel, not frantic and pressured!!!!